Love Me Again: Starting Over In A Relationship
After break-ups, some couples go on to have a better relationship than ever before, while others are never able to put the relationship back together.
The reasons for a break-up can tell us a lot about the prognosis for a second chance at a good relationship.
If you are trying to decide whether to try again in your relationship, figuring out the answers to these questions may help you: Was the break-up sudden and based on one large problem, such as an infidelity or a major argument? Or was it the inevitable result of a series of problems and misunderstandings? Believe it or not, a relationship can sometimes recover more easily from a huge but one-time occurrence, such as a brief affair, than it can from the proverbial thousand cuts of a relationship that is constantly off course.
A huge error in judgment may require forgiveness from a partner.
But a pattern of problem behaviors may point to personality differences or lack of commitment on one or both partners' parts.
Before you ask someone, "love me again," make sure that the basic underpinnings of the relationship are sound.
Was there a pattern of "bad" behavior on one partner's part? If a break-up occurred largely because of your actions, you have the advantage of being able to control your behavior more than someone else's.
But is the behavior something you are able or willing to control? If a break-up occurs because you aren't giving enough time to the relationship, perhaps you are willing to adjust your priorities and calendar.
But if the relationship ends because you enjoy going out and having fun as a couple, while he doesn't like to be around other people - um, do you really want to become a hermit for this guy? If your boyfriend's behavior put the relationship over the edge, it's time to remember this important rule of human behavior: You can't change someone else's behavior - only the ways in which you respond.
If your ex-boyfriend constantly flirted with other girls, you can't force him to break the habit.
Here are things you can do: tell him how the behavior affects you, examine your own self-esteem, or walk away from the relationship.
Take a hard look at behaviors that concerned you and that may have led to the break-up.
Then ask yourself -- not "how can I change him?" but "how can I respond differently?" "Love me again" may become "good luck, and goodbye.
" Why do I want to make up? The urge to get back together can be strong, but examine your motivation.
Is it based on a belief that the problems in the relationship can be corrected? Are you motivated by genuine love and concern? Or are you desperately grasping at straws? Sometimes it's hard to walk away from a relationship because of the fear of the unknown and the sting of rejection.
"Love me again" becomes the mantra for trying to hold onto a relationship that may have brought more hurt than pleasure.
If that is the case, it's time to walk away.
The break-up of a relationship is always a painful experience.
But before you begin the refrain of "love me again; love me again," consider your answers to the above questions.
Is the relationship worth salvaging? Only you - and the one you love-can answer that.
Make sure you cast your vote in such a way that you are doing what's best for your own life and future.